*sigh* Is the only expression I can give at the moment.
Tomorrow is my final test for the semester. Economics Macro 101. One of the toughest units after Finance 201. I did my best revising and hopefully I could pass that unit. Wish me luck.
That is not the only reason I am sighing. I felt something is missing in my life. I felt happy one moment and the next moment I am not happy at all. I am stressful. It is like I am gaining something only to lose other things instead. I gained love and lost it and gained it back. I gained new friendship and lost it. I gained my confidence and lost it. I gained trust and lost it. I feel empty inside.
What is wrong with me?
How could she hold up that smile when all she feels is pain and tears that drip from her face each night. She wonders when everything will get better but it’s only God that she can trust. She can only believe in herself which keeps her strong. It’s hard for her to look in the mirror because she thinks back to the days where everything was so easy and there was nothing to worry about.. ~ Jovinia ~
At times, I really wish I had the ability and courage to get out of my situation right now. At times, the words of encouragement I got, was it real or was it just words? Where is the feeling of comfort being myself? It is so hard being me. They used to say that people will reach at some point of their lives questioning who they are and what they should be. I truly admire those people who can go through the hard times without any help. They can stand on their own feet and move on with their lives. They can make their own choices without having the doubt of what is on the other side of their choice for they know everything will be ok. Their family will always be there supporting them and most importantly, their loved ones.
If there is anything that I could wish for, I just wish that my family could be more supportive of my choice. The choice that would make me happy. I really wish for that. To live with huge uncertainty in my future is really killing me. To live day by day not knowing what will happen the next day really kills me. At times, I prayed for this feeling to taken away from me but it is not happening. At times, I cried to sleep knowing that things would not be how I wanted it to be. But you know what, that is the fact of life. You cannot always get what you wanted. You once said to me, people are never content with what you have. It is true when I think things through.
Is there anything or anyone in this world that can take all these things away from me? I really do not know how much longer I can stand all these uncertainties in life.
It is you that I depend on through these times but those things seem to be so far away from your reach. I cannot possibly have you to be there for me every time when I could not be there for you when you needed me the most. We too, do not know what the future holds for us. All I could say is…True love is hard to come by but when you have it in your hand, would you hold on tight to it?
Life has never been easy for any of us. Some worse. Some are better off. But no matter how tough life gets, would you promise me to live a good life? Be happy and be content with who you are. Then I know it is time to move on…
1 comments:
Hey, this post reminds alot of myself. I was lost in my own thoughts. And it caused my faith was lost. At 1 point, my doubt about my faith got deeper. But I still didn't give up. Have faith in yourself. I know it's hard but try it slowly. Things happened for reason. Good and bad. We can't avoid and deny them. Worst still, I scold and blame myself alot in the past. Not at people, but myself though it wasn't my mistake. Sometimes, I deny things a lot. And i force myself to let go no matter how angry I would be. I still finding out myself now. I've changed so much that i feel like a stranger to myself. Remember that, I'll always keep you in prayer. Do take care.
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