Well, I have been caught up in the preparation for Chinese New Year and my summer course. I will be having my finals soon on the 9th of Feb. I hadn't got the time to meet up with few friends. Sorry guys... You know who you are. I'd probably disappointed you guys. I know...but I hope you guys are able to understand my situation.
I read a friend's blog just minutes ago.. And I couldn't agree more that I too have had a strong urge to avoid many things in my life. I do not know where to stand at times. I felt completely alone. I'm glad my friend had someone to be there for her when she is in need. I'd wished I had a friend to turn to when I had those "emo" moments.
Friendship is a very distance topic for me. I normally just ignored this topic but the fact that every "friends' relationships" I had with people around me are pretty fragile and breakable. I only have"hi-bye" friends now. Seriously, if you were to ask me to name few of my closest friends... I couldn't give any names to you. Neither my name will appear in anyone's list. Not that I mind. But I guess it is pretty much how people are treating you when you seldom join their circle of friends, you'll become the odd one out. I've always and will always be the odd one out.
I guessed I only have myself to blame for distancing myself at times. On the contrary, I had received a sms the other day from a friend asking me how I have been and things like. My friend came back from her studies also took the time to sms me to meet up but I was caught up with my mid term at the time. I also have another friend sending me greetings all the way from her hometown. Well, I guess we took certain things for granted sometimes huh? Honestly speaking, I really appreciated those gestures eventhough I had not chatted for long with them. These are the moments that I really think I actually have found friends. I really miss you guys, you know.
I missed those times when I actually have friends. Yes, there are some moments of bitching around when things went wrong, but we are still together and hanging out together. Those moments are really far away now. At times I do wish I still have those moments. But the fact that we had already drifted apart to our separate ways making this silly wish of mine will be just a dream. Friends forever or best friends forever. In my honest opinion, there are no such thing. There will always be a boundary that separates two individuals.
I'm getting closer to my dream now. I really pray to God to give me the strength and courage to continue this battle inside of me to finish what I have started. I'm looking for that fresh start where I could start my life anew and be around with people that actually appreciate who I am and not for who I can become. Hopefully, I could find my inner peace and be at rest...
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